literature

Ignorance Must Be Bliss

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Literature Text

I am lost in the ocean,
swept beneath waves that crash violently on every side
as salt water fills my eyes and lungs.
My body thrashes and trembles,
and my hands reach desperately towards nothing.
I am thrown roughly against the pier,
and suddenly consciousness is lost.
The threads of fantasy take root,
sweeping me away from all the pain and terror I feel.

but really, that's just another chance to drown.

My mother always told me,
'mind over matter, and your pain will disappear'
but I was never quite that strong.


I wish to be the ocean,
to be the majestic power in the distance
that you watch intently from the pier.
I wish for once to see the look of amazement on your face,
to be the object of your fantasy and desire.
My waves would reach the shore and snatch you away,
pulling you beneath my current.
I want to be on top for once, though not a looming presence.
I don't want you to feel the terror and anxiety that I have felt.
I don't want fleeting, guilty glances and stuttered words.
I want you to feel affection and desire,
to smile just because you're looking at me.
Just like I do.

No, I was joking. It was nothing but a lie.
I don't want any of that. I've never even thought of those things.
I certainly don't have those kinds of feelings
for you.


My dreams take me back to the pier,
a place we meet in secret in the darkness of the morning.
"You don't understand," I whisper gently, over and over.
"You don't understand anything! You don't understand that all of this,
that everything, was for you!"

My words fall on deaf ears,
on a questioning gaze.
I never knew I was such a wonderful actress,
but I suppose it's too much to ask
for you to read my thoughts from my eyes.

Would you hate me if you understood?
It's a question that dominates my thoughts every passing moment.
Would you? Or would you blush and turn away?
In my fantasies you smile and whisper that you feel the same,
that you have been painfully harboring the same secret I have.
In my dreams, we sit together in the distant future,
with friends or a family or perhaps even just the two of us,
giggling at how foolish we had been at not seeing what the other was thinking,
and never understanding.

My hands shake as I think about it,
and I lower my eyes shamefully as though you are right there.
The signs, all of them, I'll let you believe they are your imagination.
Perhaps that is what you already think, or maybe you are just ignorant.
I know that you wouldn't hate me. I don't think you could,
but even worse than hatred would be the sympathy.
You would lower your eyes, your mouth open in surprise
and your confused thoughts swirling on your face.
You would smile and apologize,
because things cannot be the way that I want,
because you cannot feel for me the way I feel for you.

And every time I write a happy ending,
I will smile sadly and think about the one I cannot have with you.

'This is the last time I'll abandon you.
And this is the last time I'll forget you.
I wish I could.'

'Catch me as I fall.
say your here and it's all over now.
Speaking to the atmosphere,
no one's here and I fall into myself.'

xxx

First poem in a while. xD It was rather emotional for me, and I've found that when I write extremely emotional poems even though I think they're good not everyone else did. If it's not that great, sorry. xD I haven't had time to write in a while. O_O (So much homework)
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foxloverock's avatar
it'is so beautiful :')...you have a good talent..work hard!!